Due to the indubitably brilliant publishing strategy of sending forth our picks for Friday’s quarters of the bracket before Thursday’s, I’m writing this during a free moment at work about an hour after the East regional has begun. In full disclosure mode, Kansas State is leading Southern Mississippi 30-27 at the half in a game that has earth-shattering repercussions for my bracket.
No, really. I currently belong to the roughly 37 percent of Americans who panicked on Tuesday and removed Syracuse from their Final Four when Fab Melo — displaying the scholarly acumen of a young Karl Marx by deeming the whole class thing an arbitrary concept imposed by social elites to inspire rigid social hierarchies on a pliable economic system — was ruled academically ineligible for the remainder of the 2012 season. (At least I’m sure that’s what he was thinking — certainly not of the millions he is set to gain in several months when he assumes membership in a club that puts him among the world’s richest individuals with no stake in the ownership of the means of production.) Long story short, I now have Syracuse losing to Kansas State in the second round, so the Wildcats better not choke against Southern Miss.
I was tempted to up Brickey’s and Sutton’s literary pretension by offering a neo-Marxist critique of the NCAA tournament’s East regional, but the NFL’s absurd defenestration of the Washington Redskins earlier this week has proven that football is a much more applicable subject for that lens. Also, I got bored with it after a paragraph and a half.
So here go: proceeding in more straightforward — and much less obnoxious fashion — my picks for the East regional:
Vanderbilt beats Harvard in the battle of _______________________________. (Insert into the blank any piece of the lengthy stream of witty snark promulgated on the CDH twitter account regarding this matchup.) All I know is that William and Mary will apparently be as good as Harvard in a few years if they only fire Tony Shaver and find a way to return JohnMark Ludwick for a fifth year, so I’m excited.
I like Wisconsin over Montana, and then over Vanderbilt in the second round. Having gone to college in Williamsburg, I’m exceedingly comfortable with a team of white guys that shoot threes, so I’m going to take them even further, past K-State into the Elite Eight. That’s how weak this segment of the bracket is.
Cincinnati beats Texas in the battle of sporadically talented teams that nobody cares about at the moment (Cincinnati’s depressing Big East title win was just sad for the conference).
Now, a dilemma. Florida State can be as good as anyone in the country when on its game, playing great defense, and when its surplus of senior leadership is on point. Dickie V couldn’t love a team more. They are also 0-2 against the Ivy League. Screw it, I’m taking the Seminoles to the Final Four. As hateable as they are on the gridiron, Leonard Hamilton’s bunch is fun to watch, and Hamilton sure deserves some success after some tough breaks in recent years.
Ohio State beats Loyola in a result I’d love to see reversed. WVU beats Gonzaga to face the Buckeyes in the second round, but William Buford goes off to set up a matchup with FSU. The Seminoles go all Carolina on Thad Matta’s squad, winning by 30, and then take down Wisconsin in a close game in the Elite Eight.
So there you have it. A poorly thought out, quickly written, and ill-constructed tale of the 2012 East regional. The quality of this post is fitting as, with a Melo-less Syracuse, there is really not much value in this section of the bracket.
I’ll end with a plug for my integrity. Kansas State is trailing Southern Mississippi in the only East regional game that has commenced. But I’m sticking with my pick. Changing it would require rewriting like half of this, and I’m far too lazy.